Some things

.....i know none will read this stupid thing -.-

I just wanted...if anyone will read...to tell you how i fell like. Right now i fell sooo fed up and sad.
I have some reasons...-.-
It really pisses me off sometimes....you know when you play something new and shit...and you get an idea..
You emediatly scribble the idea down and have that happy felling about yourself for drawing that. Well im kinda fed up with holding this in me.
No im serius.
Anyway...i was playing this game [ i will not name anything for saftey ] and i got this awsome idea fro a character in the game. So i doddled it down and then i did a few more lists of detailed drawings how it would look. I fellt really happy how everything came out...really.
But then...
You know when you go check out fanart of that game....and you find out someone has allready done almost the same thing as you?.
Well...that felling...the felling you get when you get youre heart broken when you see that...the felling you know " if i post this....people will think i copyed it from him/her ".
I felt horrible....really...almost depressed...
When i saw that..i imediatly grabed the paper sheets i did...and tore them to shreads throwing them into the fire. I can still remember waching the most proud drawings i did burn to ashes....i still didnt recover from it.
And it was all here....in my heart......

I just wanted to share something i really had on my heart.
And i really felt depressed.....its just....u cant explain to much...its just...yeah....

Anyways...i dont find point in drawing anyway...so im planning to shut this thing down..( with the rest of my bulshit along ).
Why do i need this...anyway.
Ever sice that incident......i really fell down on my knees...